Stranger

I was riding on a train sitting by the window. The seat next to me was empty. On the next stop, a guy came with a suitcase. He sat next to me. He smiled at me, I smiled at him. A smile exchange with a stranger is either awkward or comforting. Awkward because it feels obligated and meaningless. Comforting because it is meaningless, with no history in between. You can smile back at the person and be whomever you want to be, play a different role, be a different person, fake it, pretend, doesn’t matter.

His suitcase was blue, like the sky that has just been cleared from a heavy rain. The sky where the clouds are scattered here and there like dots, enhancing the grandeur of the vastness of the blue. I like clear blue skies and sitting under them, watching the birds take their rounds with momentary appearance of clouds in the canvas.

Especially that day, I remember. When we were sitting under similar sky holding hands. Everything felt so right then, the rest of the world dissaparead. What remained was the sky and us beneath. That was all we wanted. I remember the day vividly, you asked me my deepest secrets then. I was hesitant, pretended there weren’t any. You pressed my hand hard. Like urging me to be naked and free. A long pause followed, birds chirped, wind rustled, we were silent.

I looked at your eyes, searching for a cue to digress from the topic. They were adamant.

I gave up and opened the gate. I lead the path , you followed the trail.

I stopped, he pushed again and again.

We reached the core.

I was naked

And free?

No. Scared. Gut wrenching scared. Legs trembling scared. Dehydrated, spinning head scared.

“ Just say something, anything. Hug me” scared.

Let’s go out he said, to the present. Nothing more. He lead the path, I followed the trail. I reached for his hand, we were holding hands. But it wasn’t feeling loved, it felt weird. Strange, even. My hearth throbbed.

What’s wrong, are you okay? I asked

Yes, of course. What could possibly be wrong he said.

After everything I told you now, you are acting differently.

I need time, I am sorry. But I need time you said.

That was the last day we met.

We met as strangers. Became friends, fell in love, sneaked in for a kiss, never missed a chance to hold hands, get a little closer. Hugged tight . Fought, cried, hugged again.

When I was naked, in bed, we made love right. When I was naked, in heart we were strangers again. You chose to become a stranger again.

The train halted. It was my stop. I smiled at the stranger again. He smiled back. I looked at the blue suitcase again, reminiscing the day long gone. Long ago to have forgotten the face of yours, but not long enough to open up again in the fear of being strangers again.